I'm not sure if anyone else can relate to this, but have you ever justified little lies by thinking you weren't hurting anyone else with a lie because you didn't intent to harm them? I always thought I was a nice person and I HATED confrontation. I would avoid it at all costs, even if it meant hurting myself, or not standing up for myself. I was a people pleaser to a fault. In an effort to avoid hurting anyone's feelings, offending them or making them feel awkward, I often lied to avoid those feelings. I now realize that in doing so, I hurt them even more. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that if someone asks "do I look fat in this?" that we should say yes. But what I learned is that there are ways to be nice AND kind and not lead people to believe things that aren't true. Here's an example:
I went through a divorce about 4 years ago and was nervous about the thought of dating again. So, in my younger dating life, I sometimes found myself in an awkward position of me being a friend and nice to guy and then having him ask me on a date. If I wasn't interested in him, it lead to an uncomfortable situation. I was not as sure of myself then and think that I partly liked the attention of a guy liking me, but my intention wasn't to hurt him. But that's exactly what I was doing. I was leading him on for him to think I may be interested and when he asked me out I would go, because I couldn't tell him no. I later told myself a lie that it was because I was nice that I'd agreed to the date, but the truth is that I didn't want to be uncomfortable myself but being honest and telling him how I felt. This was selfish on my part because I was doing this to avoid being uncomfortable myself. I didn't realize that in doing this, I lead the guy on further, made him think there was a mutual attraction and then went on further dates. Then I would find myself in a position of him wanting to have a "define the relationship" talk where I ended up hurting him more because his feelings had grown, while I was hoping he'd somehow lose interest on his own.
So, I dreaded going back into the dating world and getting back into those uncomfortable situations. I had been taking a look at myself and doing an inventory of things I'd done wrong and patterns and problems that kept arising in my life. These negative patterns are there for us to learn from, and when we ignore them, they repeat themselves until we finally learn the lesson from it. This was one of those lessons for me and an area I needed to change. It was the start of my wake up call. And it wasn't just in the dating world. I would often tell someone what I thought they wanted to hear to keep the peace or avoid any hurt or offense. I decided to make some personal changes. There had to be a way to be kind, AND honest. I didn't want to be disappointing people and have them not trust my word, but that is what had happened. Instead of always trying to please everyone, my goal was now to be "kind" to everyone and true to myself.
So, in re-entering the dating world, I had a new strategy. I would be kind, but not be flirty with a guy I wasn't at all romantically interested in. I somehow was a magnet for MUCH older guys sending me a message to ask me on a date. I would respond kindly and thank them for the flattering request, compliment them on having the courage when many guys aren't taking dating serious so good for them, if I knew them, I'd tell them something I admired about them. Then I'd just let them know that I appreciate the message but I would have to decline on a date. I'd love to still have your friendship and company in that way. Sometimes I would also just say that I wasn't comfortable with the age difference. Or that while I thought they were a great person, I didn't feel like we were a good match. Again, my goal was to be as kind as possible, not lead him on but still maintain a friendship. Many times, I'd get a kind response thanking me for my honesty and kindness, and we would stay friends. Sometimes I'd even soften things by suggesting we get together as a group since I had some great girlfriends who he may be interested and connect with. I liked to build them up and not be discouraged to put themselves out there since none of us like rejection. Just because I wasn't interested, didn't in any way mean that there was anything "wrong" with them, but that I felt they were a great person who had a match out there for them so keep trying.
In the career world, I didn't want an employer or co-worker to think I wasn't capable of a task so when asked about my abilities or strengths, I pretended to have more than I did. This just ended up with me having more stress and unhappiness in the workplace since I WASN'T actually good at everything and then disappointed myself and others when we all figured that out. And I brought it on myself. Ha! I made changes there too. When i went to a job interview, I was up front and honest with them on the type of job I really enjoyed and strengths I had, as well as weaknesses. They gained more respect for me for my honesty and I found that my job ended upa better fit and they were able to provide better support for me, knowing what my natural weaknesses were to have others help me in those areas.
Have you ever asked someone to lie or cover for you, or done the same for someone else? Seems harmless right? We are just being a good friend, spouse or being loyal. Wrong! We are playing part and encouraging dishonesty. Each time we lie or ask others to lie, we need to ask ourselves why. Each lie, big or small, damages our character. Even something little like "nope he's not home right now" when really they just don't want to talk to the person, causes problems. Why not just say, he's not available right now, or he's in the middle of something, can I pass along a message? If we are trying to avoid someone, if we just confront it head on we are better off. Avoiding or delaying uncomfortable situations/conversations, result in being more hurtful to someone, and cause more stress on ourselves over the long run than to just deal with it up front.
Friends would often ask me for my opinion and advice on relationships and life in general (like we all do). I realized that while I was listening to them, I would just agree and go along with what they had concluded, even if I could see patterns and harm they were bringing on themselves (like we all do). I realized that a true friend, in my opinion, would kindly help me see things that I may be missing. I resolved to be a better friend. I wanted them to be happy and LOVED when friends were honest with me (when they did it genuinely and with kindness). Friends who would go from one relationship to another without any time to love themselves in between for example, would appreciate the insight that there is nothing wrong with them that these relationships fail. The problem was more the timing and way they entered the relationship. Doing it to complete yourself, instead of being a "whole" person and finding another "whole" person for example was a relationship much more likely to succeed. I had to learn this one the hard way myself. I also learned that two good people may not always be the BEST fit for each other. It's not a reflection of either person's value but rather Heaven;y Father's way of helping us to learn from that relationship, and then become a better person, more prepared for the BEST person for us when the timing and person are right. Helping friends through hard break ups and times for me is a rewarding area and I enjoy helping them to see things more clearly and with honest perspective.
Have you ever made plans with family or friends, even though you knew you were likely not able to keep the plans? Or commit to helping or doing something for someone when you knew your schedule was already too full? It's ok to say no. They aren't going to hate you, but will respect you for not wasting their time or letting them down later. I was horrible about this. I now try hard to not commit to anything unless I'm rather certain I can come through. Sometimes I'll say, "I will will really try hard to be there, but I can let you know for sure when it gets closer since I don't want to let you down if I'm not able to be there". My relationships have been stronger as I've tried to make these changes.
When we are comfortable with ourselves and accept ourselves for our strengths and weakness, we no longer feel the need to pretend to be someone we aren't. Not all of us are meant to look like a Barbie doll, be perfect at crafts, bake goods to provide service to others, and have no flaws to work on. We are on this earth because we are ALL imperfect and have flaws we are constantly working to improve. So why do we feel like we need to live a lie and pretend to be perfect? When we embrace our weakness, learn to relax and laugh about our weaknesses, we ACTUALLY connect better with other people and invite them to do the same. Then we can be real friends and genuinely help each other through tough times, and celebrate the good times. We help each other to learn, and GROW! Don't lie to yourself or others, BE yourself and others will respect you more and help you to improve. This has been sooo good for me to learn and apply, even though pride can still creep in and tempt me to retreat to my old ways. Living a life of honesty brings so much more peace and joy.
These are just some minor examples, but I wanted to illustrate that even these little white lies can cause harm and damage to our character and credibility with others. It's been SO liberating to learn how rewarding truth telling is in every area. If we strive to live our lives in a way that we don't ever feel we HAVE to lie, embelish or stretch the truth, the truth really does set us free! People gain more respect and love for us and know that we aren't over promising. Our word becomes dependable and allows others to count on us and invites them to do the same. No one will dislike us for being honest when we do it with kindness and love. Those who I love the most are honest with me, even if it's something hard for me to hear. I know they care about me, my happiness and well being. I hope that this is a lesson I can always remember and be reminded of it's importance as it has been a life changer lesson for me. It's been rewarding to share this with others as well, who have had similar experiences. We now laugh at how we used to live our lives and how much better they are now that we are more honest with ourselves and others. We are all here on earth to learn, grow and help others through life. We need to be more kind to ourselves and others!
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Be Happy Now
Letting go of the past was one of the most difficult things for me to do. This has two parts for me; I had made poor choices that brought me to where I was and I also felt that things happened TO me that "weren't fair". In my mind I was a victim of my circumstances. Have you ever asked yourself, why is this happening to me, thought this isn't fair, or I will be happy once someone else or something else changes? These were all too familiar for me, which was ironic since I've always thought of myself (maybe part of the problem) as a positive and generally happy person. But, deep down, I was also feeling these questions and thoughts which I felt kept me from really being able to BE happy. It really never occurred to me that you could go through hard and unfair things in life & also be happy. Now finding myself divorced and without my own loving family that I've always wanted, I've sometimes felt these same feelings again. Here are some examples:
When I was married for a few years we decided to start a family and I thought it would be that simple. I figured we would go off birth control and within a few months we'd get pregnant. Well, guess again. My youngest sister also decided the same thing a couple of months after we did & sure enough that plan worked for them. Even though our relationship had its ups and downs, I somehow hoped that starting a family would bring us closer and help us to prioritize our values and beliefs. I really loved my husband and was excited to have kids. I also fell into the trap mentioned above which is that I thought that having a family would make me happier. I told myself that then I would relate better with all my sisters who had kids and others that I went to church with as well. I had this fairytale ending in my head that once I had those things my life would be better. Well over the next 3-4 years of marriage I miscarried twice. The first one was the day before our wedding anniversary and was truly devastating to us both. The pregnancy HAD brought us closer together and our priorities and values were the strongest and best they had been our whole relationship. However, once I miscarried, those feelings and enthusiasm for the better life we were progressing toward went away, almost instantly. I wondered why something that seemed so good for us both would be taken away. I then miscarried again 7 months later. I didn't understand it at all, and felt even more that my happiness would be delayed until we could have kids. I wasn't able to be happy in the moment since I was living in the future.
I have been married twice now; once for 4 years when I was 18 & again for almost 7 years when I was 26. I have learned a lot about myself in both divorces and have had to take a long look at myself since I was the common denominator. In going through a divorce initially, there are so many vulnerabilities out there that cause you to doubt who you really are and really stand for and people often make mistakes in judgment. I had for sure fallen into that myself when I got divorced the first time and I wanted to be extra careful to try to avoid it as much as possible the 2nd time. Each time though I hated the fact that I was divorced. I really hated being alone. I felt that once I found someone again and could be married and starting toward the family that I wanted again, then I would be able to be happy. This caused me to place such an importance on a relationship and between the 1st and 2nd marriage this proved to be the driving force for me. I seemed to care more about being loved and accepted than anything else. I got my validation from others and I needed that in order to feel ok about myself. (So I was basically using other people, even though I didn't recognize it as such at the time). Being lonely IS hard and not ideal for anyone I don't think, but it's not only possible, but essential to be happy alone before you can even possibly be truly happy with someone else.
When I had been married for a few months (the 2nd marriage), I discovered something in my marriage that caused me to lose respect and trust with my husband. He was worried at the time that I wouldn't stay with him and work with him through it, and I was worried I may never trust or respect him again. I did chose to forgive and move forward and felt I was trying to give him a chance to move on and forward. The problem was that I had a hard time actually doing it. I felt that it wasn't fair and even felt trapped in my marriage since I couldn't figure out what I could even do about about it. I felt such a loss of control and deep sadness. I wanted to forgive, but I didn't really know how to. Over the next several years I had a hard time feeling like he was worthy of my love and understanding even though I felt I tried hard to give it (on the outside anyway). My heart wasn't soft though and my walls were up from being hurt. I worried that he would slip again, which he did multiple times which just further proved that he "didn't care to earn my trust and respect back" (or so I saw it in my mind). I felt this was a reflection on his feelings for me and our relationship and couldn't ever really let go of the past. I made justifications of my own actions/poor choices as well as my thoughts toward him and our relationship based on the hurt I'd felt.
Over the years I've made a series of poor choices and done things that have caused damage to my soul. Instead of really dealing with why I did them, or getting them resolved, or learning from them, I just hoped to pretend they didn't exist & thought they'd go away on their own. I had let myself down by not consistently living by the values and beliefs that I had. My values and beliefs weren't strong enough for me at the time to be the driving force for my decisions. I didn't want to face reality or the consequences of my actions/thoughts/etc.
I felt that I had done some really good healing and was in a good place for a meaningful relationship in my life. Even though I wasn't focused on getting into one, I was open to the idea. I went out with an amazing guy that I'd been set up with and almost from the beginning I started to fall in love with him. Everything seemed to go so smooth and easily and for the first time in my life I knew what it felt like to have the fairytale love. To be connected logically (on paper he was everything I was looking for in a husband), emotionally, and especially spiritually was brand new for me. Things progressed quite quickly and after only 2 1/2 months we were making plans to be married. He had lost his wife to a battle with cancer after 2 1/2 years almost 1 year prior to us dating and had 4 amazing kids he was caring for full time. I was so excited to move to California to be with him and the kids, to be a mom and start my new perfect life. Well, the pressures mounted for him and sensing his hesitation and stress, we decided to take a break. During this time he realized that he still needed to heal from his past hurt on losing his wife and we broke things off. We both knew this was the right decision, but it was hard. I knew from my own experiences that it was necessary for him to be in a good place before he could really give of himself in a marriage and he really wasn't ready. I was upset and deeply depressed for a couple of weeks as I felt it wasn't fair and tried to make sense of my experience. I wasn't upset with him, but hated my situation. I had already been happy and was excited to be happier with my new family.
All of these situations and several others were motivators for me over the past 20 months. I realized that I was not happy with myself or my situation, but that it started with me. When I live in the past and feel it's unfair or even justify my own poor choices, or live in the future to think that I can only be happy when my life looks a certain way, I get myself into trouble. All of our experiences are there to teach us and give us experience, IF we let it. If we don't we become a victim until we DO let go. If we are angry with someone for doing something TO us, that anger is hurting us the most. When we CHOSE to let go of any anger, hurt, jealousy about the life we want etc., we free ourselves to be able to live and be happy in the current one.
This is no easy task to accomplish in my opinion and something I may always struggle with in my life. For me, just being aware that it was completely within my control and a decision for me to make was liberating and helped me start. The next part is harder, which is to apply the Atonement to your life in order to really be able move forward and enjoy the now. I always thought if the Atonement as something you applied when you sinned and needed to be forgiven. It is for so much more than that! Jesus Christ felt all of our pains, injustices, insecurities, loneliness, heartache, etc. and invites us to come unto Him for comfort and help to heal from these things. The key though is that we have to LET Him and ask for the help! When we sincerely put our relationship with Him first, we are blessed with a healed heart from all of these things. It doesn't happen overnight and takes a lot of consistent effort on our part, but it's worth it! In doing that, we are able to shed ourselves of all of these things that hold us back and keep us from experiencing the true joy and happiness that comes from feeling our Savior's love and guidance in our lives. When we make the choice and take action for good choices and following HIM, we are blessed in abundance which far exceeds any sadness, loneliness, heartache, unjustices done to us, etc. We are able to appreciate the lessons we learn from our hard times and see that others weren't trying to hurt us, but were hurting themselves. We no longer care about justifying our actions or making someone else wrong. We care more about living our life and just following the peace and joy that comes from making good choices. I often see people who have gone through divorces and can feel their hatred toward their former spouse. This sadness me and I can also relate to the pain and misery that these feelings foster. It is my prayer and hope that we will be able to turn to Him and ask for help in letting these feelings go so that we can better embrace our current and happy life that's waiting for us to decide to live it. I currently have no job, live with my sister, am not in a committed relationship and yet I find myself blissfully happy and getting happier and happier as time moves forward. I'm so blessed and thankful to a Heavenly Father who knows and loves me. He has placed some amazing people into my life to help me through the storms and allows me to same opportunity to be there for others in their storms. I know that it starts with me placing my relationship with Him about all others.
When I was married for a few years we decided to start a family and I thought it would be that simple. I figured we would go off birth control and within a few months we'd get pregnant. Well, guess again. My youngest sister also decided the same thing a couple of months after we did & sure enough that plan worked for them. Even though our relationship had its ups and downs, I somehow hoped that starting a family would bring us closer and help us to prioritize our values and beliefs. I really loved my husband and was excited to have kids. I also fell into the trap mentioned above which is that I thought that having a family would make me happier. I told myself that then I would relate better with all my sisters who had kids and others that I went to church with as well. I had this fairytale ending in my head that once I had those things my life would be better. Well over the next 3-4 years of marriage I miscarried twice. The first one was the day before our wedding anniversary and was truly devastating to us both. The pregnancy HAD brought us closer together and our priorities and values were the strongest and best they had been our whole relationship. However, once I miscarried, those feelings and enthusiasm for the better life we were progressing toward went away, almost instantly. I wondered why something that seemed so good for us both would be taken away. I then miscarried again 7 months later. I didn't understand it at all, and felt even more that my happiness would be delayed until we could have kids. I wasn't able to be happy in the moment since I was living in the future.
I have been married twice now; once for 4 years when I was 18 & again for almost 7 years when I was 26. I have learned a lot about myself in both divorces and have had to take a long look at myself since I was the common denominator. In going through a divorce initially, there are so many vulnerabilities out there that cause you to doubt who you really are and really stand for and people often make mistakes in judgment. I had for sure fallen into that myself when I got divorced the first time and I wanted to be extra careful to try to avoid it as much as possible the 2nd time. Each time though I hated the fact that I was divorced. I really hated being alone. I felt that once I found someone again and could be married and starting toward the family that I wanted again, then I would be able to be happy. This caused me to place such an importance on a relationship and between the 1st and 2nd marriage this proved to be the driving force for me. I seemed to care more about being loved and accepted than anything else. I got my validation from others and I needed that in order to feel ok about myself. (So I was basically using other people, even though I didn't recognize it as such at the time). Being lonely IS hard and not ideal for anyone I don't think, but it's not only possible, but essential to be happy alone before you can even possibly be truly happy with someone else.
When I had been married for a few months (the 2nd marriage), I discovered something in my marriage that caused me to lose respect and trust with my husband. He was worried at the time that I wouldn't stay with him and work with him through it, and I was worried I may never trust or respect him again. I did chose to forgive and move forward and felt I was trying to give him a chance to move on and forward. The problem was that I had a hard time actually doing it. I felt that it wasn't fair and even felt trapped in my marriage since I couldn't figure out what I could even do about about it. I felt such a loss of control and deep sadness. I wanted to forgive, but I didn't really know how to. Over the next several years I had a hard time feeling like he was worthy of my love and understanding even though I felt I tried hard to give it (on the outside anyway). My heart wasn't soft though and my walls were up from being hurt. I worried that he would slip again, which he did multiple times which just further proved that he "didn't care to earn my trust and respect back" (or so I saw it in my mind). I felt this was a reflection on his feelings for me and our relationship and couldn't ever really let go of the past. I made justifications of my own actions/poor choices as well as my thoughts toward him and our relationship based on the hurt I'd felt.
Over the years I've made a series of poor choices and done things that have caused damage to my soul. Instead of really dealing with why I did them, or getting them resolved, or learning from them, I just hoped to pretend they didn't exist & thought they'd go away on their own. I had let myself down by not consistently living by the values and beliefs that I had. My values and beliefs weren't strong enough for me at the time to be the driving force for my decisions. I didn't want to face reality or the consequences of my actions/thoughts/etc.
I felt that I had done some really good healing and was in a good place for a meaningful relationship in my life. Even though I wasn't focused on getting into one, I was open to the idea. I went out with an amazing guy that I'd been set up with and almost from the beginning I started to fall in love with him. Everything seemed to go so smooth and easily and for the first time in my life I knew what it felt like to have the fairytale love. To be connected logically (on paper he was everything I was looking for in a husband), emotionally, and especially spiritually was brand new for me. Things progressed quite quickly and after only 2 1/2 months we were making plans to be married. He had lost his wife to a battle with cancer after 2 1/2 years almost 1 year prior to us dating and had 4 amazing kids he was caring for full time. I was so excited to move to California to be with him and the kids, to be a mom and start my new perfect life. Well, the pressures mounted for him and sensing his hesitation and stress, we decided to take a break. During this time he realized that he still needed to heal from his past hurt on losing his wife and we broke things off. We both knew this was the right decision, but it was hard. I knew from my own experiences that it was necessary for him to be in a good place before he could really give of himself in a marriage and he really wasn't ready. I was upset and deeply depressed for a couple of weeks as I felt it wasn't fair and tried to make sense of my experience. I wasn't upset with him, but hated my situation. I had already been happy and was excited to be happier with my new family.
All of these situations and several others were motivators for me over the past 20 months. I realized that I was not happy with myself or my situation, but that it started with me. When I live in the past and feel it's unfair or even justify my own poor choices, or live in the future to think that I can only be happy when my life looks a certain way, I get myself into trouble. All of our experiences are there to teach us and give us experience, IF we let it. If we don't we become a victim until we DO let go. If we are angry with someone for doing something TO us, that anger is hurting us the most. When we CHOSE to let go of any anger, hurt, jealousy about the life we want etc., we free ourselves to be able to live and be happy in the current one.
This is no easy task to accomplish in my opinion and something I may always struggle with in my life. For me, just being aware that it was completely within my control and a decision for me to make was liberating and helped me start. The next part is harder, which is to apply the Atonement to your life in order to really be able move forward and enjoy the now. I always thought if the Atonement as something you applied when you sinned and needed to be forgiven. It is for so much more than that! Jesus Christ felt all of our pains, injustices, insecurities, loneliness, heartache, etc. and invites us to come unto Him for comfort and help to heal from these things. The key though is that we have to LET Him and ask for the help! When we sincerely put our relationship with Him first, we are blessed with a healed heart from all of these things. It doesn't happen overnight and takes a lot of consistent effort on our part, but it's worth it! In doing that, we are able to shed ourselves of all of these things that hold us back and keep us from experiencing the true joy and happiness that comes from feeling our Savior's love and guidance in our lives. When we make the choice and take action for good choices and following HIM, we are blessed in abundance which far exceeds any sadness, loneliness, heartache, unjustices done to us, etc. We are able to appreciate the lessons we learn from our hard times and see that others weren't trying to hurt us, but were hurting themselves. We no longer care about justifying our actions or making someone else wrong. We care more about living our life and just following the peace and joy that comes from making good choices. I often see people who have gone through divorces and can feel their hatred toward their former spouse. This sadness me and I can also relate to the pain and misery that these feelings foster. It is my prayer and hope that we will be able to turn to Him and ask for help in letting these feelings go so that we can better embrace our current and happy life that's waiting for us to decide to live it. I currently have no job, live with my sister, am not in a committed relationship and yet I find myself blissfully happy and getting happier and happier as time moves forward. I'm so blessed and thankful to a Heavenly Father who knows and loves me. He has placed some amazing people into my life to help me through the storms and allows me to same opportunity to be there for others in their storms. I know that it starts with me placing my relationship with Him about all others.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Discipleship
In all of my lesons that I've learned over the years, the one of discipleship is likely to be the one I cherish the most. I will cotinually be working on this one throughout my life. It also seems to be the one I still struggle with regularly. However, I feel this one is the central piece to the purpose of life. Over the past couple of years, I've grow spiritually and have found out for myself how religion will play a crucial part in my life. In doing so, that means for me to put Heavenly Father at the head of my life and make my relationship with Him my first priority. Now in the past I would have considered myself a religous person. I would have told you that God and religion were important to me and that I wasnted to raise a family to believe the same principles. I was raised to highly value families and religion and saw the benefits to these values and beliefs. The only problem was that while I "believed" it, I didn't really have my own deep down commitment to it until these past 18 months or so. I would go through the motions and generally made good decisions with my life and treated people well. When you do right by others and live your life well, I believe that good things will happen for you. I was no exception and enjoyed blessings in my life. But, have you ever gone through life and the day to day activities and wondered why you're doing what you're doing and if there's more to life?
Regardless of what religion you are, there are higher laws and principles that will impact your life for the better when you live by them. I believe that discipleship is at the head of those. If my goal and purpose in life is to become more like Christ then I will be happier in my life the more I follow Christ's example and strive to become more like Him. One of the greatest commandments that we are given as Christians is to Love One Another As I Have Loved You". This is both simple and complex and something that I for one didn't fully understand, embrace or live. Our Heavenly Father loves us, more than we can possibly imagine. When (not IF) we fall and make mistakes, He's waiting with open arms for us to go to Him for help in making things right and getting back on track. We are all in this life together. We are all trying and struggling to figure things out on what makes us happy. We are all on different paths and at different speeds. Why are we so impatient with others weaknesses when we have our own? Why do we sometimes get pleassure from seeing others in pain or with their weaknesses exposed, as if it somehow makes us feel better about our own? Why do we feel that if we put others down, we will somehow look better to ourselves and/or others? We compare ourselves to others and feel better when we are doing better than them. We also compare ourselves to others and then feel that we will never measure up or be good enough. I know I fall into these traps all the time. When I am in a good place myself (spiritually), I've noticed that I don't do this as much and that I become more concerend with my own progression than anyone else's. My concern with other's ends up coming more from a loving place and not a judegemental one. That's when I know I'm in a better place. I also have more peace and love in my life as a whole and can see things more for what they really are, and not to justify my own actions/inactions. In seeing others more like Heavenly Father sees them, I'm also able to better see myself the way He sees me. I'm more patient with myself and others and allow for mistakes, knowing it's a part of life. I don't feel the need to be perfect, but strive to be growing and improving. I then naturally want others to feel the same way I do, so that they too can be happy. They say misery loves compay, but so does peace and happiness. Again, this isn't a lesson that I have down and have mastered by any means. I do have a testimony however that when I am working on this principle, I am happier with myself and everyone else around me. I'm not easily offended and I'm personally growing.
He Truly Loves Us http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/he-truly-loves-us?lang=eng&query=%22he+truly+loves+us%22
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1989/04/beware-of-pride?lang=eng&query=%22beware+of+pride%22Beware of Pride
Regardless of what religion you are, there are higher laws and principles that will impact your life for the better when you live by them. I believe that discipleship is at the head of those. If my goal and purpose in life is to become more like Christ then I will be happier in my life the more I follow Christ's example and strive to become more like Him. One of the greatest commandments that we are given as Christians is to Love One Another As I Have Loved You". This is both simple and complex and something that I for one didn't fully understand, embrace or live. Our Heavenly Father loves us, more than we can possibly imagine. When (not IF) we fall and make mistakes, He's waiting with open arms for us to go to Him for help in making things right and getting back on track. We are all in this life together. We are all trying and struggling to figure things out on what makes us happy. We are all on different paths and at different speeds. Why are we so impatient with others weaknesses when we have our own? Why do we sometimes get pleassure from seeing others in pain or with their weaknesses exposed, as if it somehow makes us feel better about our own? Why do we feel that if we put others down, we will somehow look better to ourselves and/or others? We compare ourselves to others and feel better when we are doing better than them. We also compare ourselves to others and then feel that we will never measure up or be good enough. I know I fall into these traps all the time. When I am in a good place myself (spiritually), I've noticed that I don't do this as much and that I become more concerend with my own progression than anyone else's. My concern with other's ends up coming more from a loving place and not a judegemental one. That's when I know I'm in a better place. I also have more peace and love in my life as a whole and can see things more for what they really are, and not to justify my own actions/inactions. In seeing others more like Heavenly Father sees them, I'm also able to better see myself the way He sees me. I'm more patient with myself and others and allow for mistakes, knowing it's a part of life. I don't feel the need to be perfect, but strive to be growing and improving. I then naturally want others to feel the same way I do, so that they too can be happy. They say misery loves compay, but so does peace and happiness. Again, this isn't a lesson that I have down and have mastered by any means. I do have a testimony however that when I am working on this principle, I am happier with myself and everyone else around me. I'm not easily offended and I'm personally growing.
He Truly Loves Us http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/he-truly-loves-us?lang=eng&query=%22he+truly+loves+us%22
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1989/04/beware-of-pride?lang=eng&query=%22beware+of+pride%22Beware of Pride
The Beginning
I am new to blogging/writing but have been feeling for several months now that I should write down some of the major lessons I've learned in my life. I realized that this would allow me to go back and read what I've learned, so I can re-learn the lesson myself, but that I may also be able to pass on little tid bits to others who may need/want to learn the same lesson. I don't claim to know everything or feel that I've completely learned all of these lessons. I do however feel very gratefully for the experiences and hard times that I've gone through that have allowed opportunities for me to learn and grow. I feel that I've become a better person for these lessons and would feel ungrateful not to be able to share these with those I love and care about. I have a long ways to go still and appreciate those who have played a big part in my life for their patience, love, understanding and most of all their examples. So, at this point, this may just be for me, or possibly my close family as well, but I look forward to recording it either way. One thing I especially appreciate is that as I've allowed these experiences to teach me about myself. I've started to see the world in a whole new light and see it for it's beauty, which has brought peace and love into my life to replace the feelings of inadequacies (which I still have some of course), fear, anxiety, loneliness, etc.
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